I really do not like this time of year. I have been like that sense 1969 when my grandpa died on Christmas day. It seems like that all the really upsetting and depressing things come at the end of the year. Today was no execption. I got up to some a conflict with a coupld friends then i had to go get a second mameogramn. I now need to get a biopsy on 3 places, and the conflict from the morning seems to be still going on. My family is most likely not going to have a gathering this Christmas, and this all comes at tmes in December. That is why I try to have all my Christmas shopping done before the depression hits. I kinda feel like Charlie Brown I should be happy but I do not feel it.
I wish I was happy but I am not. My neighbor decorated our whole unit really lovely and even that does not lift my spirits. I should be ok after the first of the year MAYBE if that biopsy comes out negative.

Anyone who has little tolarance for my blogs that ramble aimlessly need not read this one,because this is for me not for anyone else.
It is true what they say about no good deed goes unpunnished. Couple nights ago a long time friend told me something and said to tell no one, so as usual I did not tell it. Tonight something happened that made me think perhaps my friend had misunderstood something and I spoke to him about it. It turns out he had not heard what had happened , and was not the reason he left the gathering. When I tried to explain the he had not seen it as it was. It was then I found out he had not even heard what was said. Instead of him saying thank you for my trying to help him understand what I thought he had heard, he told it to another friend what I had said and she had not know what I knew so he had no clue why I said what I did to our other friend. Now it is possible I may loose 2 friends because I was trying to help them.

THE BLOG THE WAS HERE WAS DELETED BY ACCIDENT NOT BECAUSE I MEANT TO. i WANT TO MAKE THAT CLEAR. I WAS LOOKING FOR AN ERROR SOMEONE SAID WAS IN IT AND I HIT THE WRONG BUTTON. APPARENTLY THERE IS NO WAY TO RECOVER IT.

I do not usually do this. I have something to say about one of the most gifted aurhers I have ever seen. Lee Savino has written a series of books that I have become obsessed with as of late. The series is called The Berserker Saga. I am enjoying them on audio books. Each of these books are written from the view point of a different cheractor in this series, each carring on the main story line . This series is like a cross between viking fantacy meets twilight meets fifty shades.
The author has a real way with words. She paints a picture in your mind as if you were there watching it all. You get a good insight to the thoughts and hearts of the cheractor narating it. I enjoyed the first 5 books in the series i bought the rest of the series last night.
I should warn these books though well written and slightly adicting , IT IS DEFFINATLY NOT FOR KIDS, because it has some snm sexual events used as a way to show how the pack takes their mates. I love the style these books are written in, BUT I would not want anyone not an adult to read them, or anyone who can not seperate fantacy from reality. These books are fanticy they have warewolves, witches,shape shifters,deamons. I should also note these books are set in another time with different values then there is in todays world. The titles of these books have the word beserkers in them. Hope you like them as much as I do.

Turns out my friend finaly caslled me last night. God really does work in mysterious ways. I had just finished writing a note for in the sympathy card i got her. SHE SAID: the reason I did not get any reply to all my messages is she hat her phone set to not accept blocked numbers and mine always has been, She told me she thought she had told me it would block blocked numbers but she had not. We talked for 3 hrs catching up every thing she had missed. I told her to put the money she owed me toward her moms funeral and she said NOPE no not gonna happen. she insisted she had been carrying it around for over a year and that one time she had to take it back to the bank and get a new one lol cause i told her when she did give it back i wantedit crispy like the one i gave her.SHE SAID she had other things for me too and she was gonna drop it all off today. But i got a call from her today. She was running way late because the poster she wanted for the service was not ready. SHE SAID: she would dorp the things she had for me off later lol I am not holding my breath because some of it she told me she was gonna give me like 3 years ago lol. The rest of her family was there on time her man their daughter, and her 3 other daughters from other men. She was married to the oldest girls daddy. Considering I had not seen the three older girls sense they were quite small, and I had never seen the youngest one till today. Today was also the first time I met the baby's daddy. He is really good with all the girls :) I am so glad they were able to have the baby they wanted. I am dieing to see if I hear from Janet again or if she will dissapear again for a couple more years. Janet's one daughter looks so much likeher grandma she always did.