Jesus was walking around Heaven one day and noticed a man crying. He said "here now there's no reason to cry or be sad in the kingdom of Heaven. What seems to be the matter"? The man said "I once had a son that came to me uhh hum, in a mysterious way and I haven't seen him in a long time. I thought here I might find him but he's nowhere to be found". Jesus said "by chance you weren't a carpenter were you"? The man said "why yes, yes I was". Jesus held out his arms and said "father". The man doubtfully looked at him and said "Pinocchio"?????

Was reading my news app and seems someone did a survey and claim that having sex was the equivalent to running 8 miles. Now...now...now you tell me who can run 8 miles in 30 seconds. Really, I just wanna know.

The Devil whispered in my ear, "You're not strong enough to withstand the storm". Today I whispered in the Devil's ear, "I am a child of God, a man of faith and a Warrior of Christ .......I am the storm". Author unknown

A man asked his wife, "What would do if I told you I won the lottery"? She answered, "I'd take half and leave you". He said "I won $12 here's your $6 and keep in touch".

It turns out a major study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Makes sense to me, I mean I've never eaten a monkey.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working". I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working just fine.