An older gentlemen was driving his super fast European sports car one day. He was doing 100mph when he noticed a Highway trooper with his lights flashing. So he took it up to 120mph then 140, then 160. All of a sudden he's thinking what am I doing!! He pulls over to the side of the road and stops. The trooper walks up to the car, looks at this senior citizen and says "My shift ends in 15 minutes and I have a mini vacation planned with my family this weekend so if you can give me a really good excuse for driving so fast, I mean one I've never heard, I'll let you go". The man thought for a few moments then said, "Years ago when I was a young man, my wife ran off with a policeman and I thought you were bringing back. The trooper said "enjoy your day sir"!!

This 84 year old gentleman was driving to the store when all sudden he rear ended this very expensive sports car. The guy got out of his car and walked back to the old man and proceeded to call him every name in the book. Look what you've done to my car. I want $10,000 right now or I'm gonna beat your ass to a bloody pulp. The old man said "Let me call my son, he trains dolphins and he'll know what to do". He calls his son but as soon as he answers the guy jerks the phone out of his hand and says, "Listen here "dolphin" trainer, your old man ran into the back of my expensive sports car and I want $10,000 right now or I'm gonna beat both of you to a bloody pulp". The son says he'll be there in 10 minutes. Sure enough this Jeep pulls up and a young man gets out and proceeds to stomp a mud hole in the guy and leaves him laying beside his expensive sports car. The son walked over to his dad and said "Dad it's Seals, I train Navy Seals.

A state trooper pulled an 83 year old woman over for speeding. When she handed her license to him he was surprised to see a concealed gun carry permit attached to it. Huh, do you have a gun. Yes I do, a semi 45 in the glove box. Oh he replied, and that's surely all. No, I have a Glock 9 In the center console. He said surely THAT'S all. She held her purse up and said "I do have a little 38 in here". The trooper said lady what are you afraid of? She answered "not a friggin thing".

Three blondes were driving home from the beach when their radio station broadcast a news alert. "Two Brazilian men killed in climbing accident." They pulled their car over to the side of that coast road and all three were bawling their eyes out. One said "that's terrible, just terrible". Another said "yes it is and how many is a Brazilian"???!!!!

The other day a DEA officer stopped by the farm and said he was going to look around to see if we were growing illegal drugs. I said "ok but don't go in that field over there". He starting yelling at me and shoved his badge in my face saying, "you see this badge, it means I can go where I want, when I want with no questions asked. Do you understand me". I nodded and apologized and picked up my tools and went back to work. A short while later I heard the officer screaming and looked up to see my big old mean bull chasing him across the field. The bull was clearing gaining on him with every step and would run him down before he reached safety. The DEA officer was terrified. I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled, "Your badge, show him your BADGE.