As I grow older I have been asking myself if living a long life is a good thing.   When I was young I was afraid of death as are many that live a troubled youth. I once wished to live to 100 years old, but after the events of yesterday I wonder if that would be a good thing or not.  I spoke to my older sister today. I had good news from our cousin and I wanted to share it with her.  He has a photo of out great grandfather and has agreed to give me a copy of it.   As I spoke to my sister I could hear her youngest daughter yelling at her about some candy papers she saw in the garbage can ( my sister is not in good health, and her youngest daughter has been taking care of her.  My niece tries to regulate everything my sister eats, and that is not a bad idea given my sister's health problems) so she kind of went off when she discovered her mom was eating candy. They were BOTH yelling at each other.  I told my sister to tell her daughter I wanted to talk to her (I thought I could calm her down) My niece has been really stressed out lately.  She is trying really hard to keep her mom alive and healthy as possible.  She is also trying to raise 2 daughters and she works a full time job.  My niece is doing everything she can, but I know first hand how hard it is to care for an elderly parent with health problems as i took care of my mom when she was dying of cancer.  Seeing all the stress and turmoil my sisters family is going through, I am wondering if my goal to be 100 is really a good idea.   My niece would not take the phone when I asked to speak to her.  What puzzled me was when her brother called me telling me that his sister had asked him to call me.   I said well what did she say to you.  (According to him) She had told him that my brother had told her husband that no one helps our sister, and my niece jumped to the conclusion that it was I who had made that claim.  I have never said anything like that to anyone ever.  In fact when I do mention to anyone about my niece I tell them what a good job she and her family do of taking care of her mother.  I told my nephew I got no clue where my brother got the idea no one helps our sister, but it was not from me, because I have never said that.   My nephew and I are wondering who is hearing one thing and then twisting it to what they thought the person saying it meant instead of hearing the real words, and taking them at face value.
     If living long puts this kind of stress and strain on a family, Is it worth it in the end?   Maybe that is why people do not live forever, because the aging process can tare up a family with stress.   Sometimes I wonder if they maybe had the right idea in the movie Logan's Run( live 30 years and die before you can get ill or be a burden on your children.   I knew a girl once who said live fast die young and leave a great looking corps. I wonder if maybe she had the right idea.   The interesting  thing about ageing and death is we are not the ones that know the date of our death only God knows that.
    

     They say one should never speak ill of the dead.   I try to follow that always. Sometimes I find it hard to do though, if the dead was really not a nice person in real life.  Instead of speaking ill of someone not so nice who has died, I try to take into consideration the feelings of those that loved them.   I have a theory that even the most hated person on the planet has at least 1 person who loved them and would care that they were gone.  My heart goes out to that person.  Clearly they would have seen something in that hated person that died for them to morn the loss.   I find that no one is the same with everyone.   We all have different ways of behaving depending on who we are with.  I have seen some of the meanest people I know be so gentle with their children.   I believe everyone has a little good in them, that is why I try to never speak ill of someone that has done me wrong.  I think instead of those that loved that person and of how they will miss the person the died.  It is not fair to them one to bring up something their loved one did while they were alive that was not so nice.  Everyone wants to think of the ones they love as going to a better place when they pass on.   We all hope they are in heaven and that maybe some day we will see them there.  No one wants to think that maybe they will not be waiting for them there when it is our time to go.
     What do you do though with those bad feelings you are holding inside about someone who passed who was mean to you?   I knew a man one time who took advantage of his friend's daughter and when he died the girl was happy, because she knew he would not hurt any other little girls.  On the flip side of that was the man's wife a wonderful woman who was kind to everyone and who took her husband's  passing hard. She loved him very much, and missed him.  For her to have been told how evil her husband had been in his life would have crushed her needlessly.  The girl had never told her what her husband had did to her for that very reason, she did not want to hurt his wife.
     My best advice for anyone who is trying to keep bad feelings for someone who did them wrong when that person was alive is, instead of trying to keep them inside to bury them in the grave with the person that died, and never think of them again.   Let those feelings pass on with the person that caused them.

     My brother and his wife stopped by to see me today. I was surprised when they brought me a Shamrock shake. I love those shakes.   I was showing them some pictures I had painted, and my brother started taking shots at them immediately.    I will admit I am not the best attest in the world, but if I were as bad as they say 2 different people would not have paid me to paint pictures for them.   One of the paintings was a light house, and the other was a horse. The horse took the longest,b because it had an odd shaped head.   I showed them a snap shot I had taken of that picture before I turned it over to the woman that had commissioned it.  My sister in law used to compete in horse shows, so she knows what horses look like, but even when I showed them the snap shots of the actual horse provided by the owner they still thought my picture was not a good one.
     It is all most like they could not stand to see me happy. They had to upset me before they left. My brother has been like that his whole life. I do not know why he gets like that any time I am happy. I do not know why he is like that I was never like that with him. When he got asked to join a world wide singing group when he was a kid I was happy for him, and when he got to go on a trip to Gettysburg I thought it was a good opportunity.   Why can he not just let me be happy sometimes?
     Don't get me wrong when I really need him he is there for me, but I give most of the credit for that to our mom.  That is how we were raised to look after family.   Now sometimes I feel like the only way he can fill big bout himself is by trying to make someone else feel small.   I thought I had this problem solved about 15 years ago when I gave him a taste of his own medicine, for years he did not pick at me till he made me cry like he used to now he is starting to do it again.  I asked him if when he goes to his grandsons games if he acts like that with them.   He said he did not , but I am not a kid.   I said nope but I have feelings like a kid would.   He does not seem to get EVERYONE has feelings and when someone you love says something mean to you EVEN IF THEY THINK IT IS FUNNY it still hurt.
   I was happy when they came to see me and brought me a shake that is the sweet of it.  I was sad and cried a little after they left because of the mean things they said that was the sour of it.

     I have gotten quite a few add requests, and all though I appreciate the interest. After looking at the sites of the people that sent them I feel the need to point out 2 things.   The first thing is that the photos on this page ARE NOT ME.  They are of an actress that played Leila Kalomi on Star Trek in the 1960's.   The other thing I would like to point out all though I have nothing against it I feel love in any form is a good thing I myself am not into girls.   I have friends that are, but that is not my thing.  Like I told one of my friends one time why would I want someone who has the same parts as me, especially when mine are prob bigger.  Before any guys get  excited lol mine are bigger because I weigh more then I should lol.
     Oh and that one girl that wanted to add you know who you are your pic section was nothing but a bunch of selfies.  Yes you are pretty now enjoy it you may not have it when you get old, but you should look at other things in the world besides your own reflection.  You are very pretty yes, but there are so many other things in this world that are beautiful too, and you are missing them all looking at only your self and all those selfies you have up.